A New Idea for Date Nights

After a long conversation with Amgad last night about some of the conflicts we often encounter in our marriage, I spent some time today thinking about what could be done to help improve our communication about some of the recurring frustrations we always seem to have toward one another.

One solution I keep coming back to is making our "Date Night" more consistent -- but that's easier said than done. Especially with Joey in our lives now, it's a) too easy to let exhaustion and lack of creativity get the best of us most evenings and choose to stay home instead, and b) tough to get motivated to actually talk about our relationship on a regular basis. Amgad probably struggles with that one a little bit more than I do since he's a guy (and everyone assumes guys hate talking -- especially about their feelings), but I can also relate to how tough it is sometimes to let go of other things in the forefront of my mind and attempt to go deeper in conversation about us.

So, how can we strike a balance? After analyzing the pros and cons of a traditional date night, I arrived at the following simple formula for a recurring date night that will (hopefully) make them easier and more enjoyable. And maybe even a little beneficial, too.

The P.O.P. Weekly Date Night

P - Praises
First, we begin by praising our spouse about at least one thing he/she did during the past week that benefited the marriage relationship. It doesn't have to be deep; it just needs to be pertinent to the growth of the marriage. I think this is incredibly important to do because it ensures we take the time to intentionally build up our spouse, and it forces us to notice the good things our spouse does throughout the week. Plus, by beginning the date with praises, it helps to prime a proper mindset for the second step...

O - Opportunities
Second, we take uninterrupted turns sharing one (and only one) way our need(s) as husband or wife weren't met as well as they could've been, and how we prefer it could've been handled differently. The key to this step is taking an "I-centered" approach rather than a "you-focused" attack. Instead of accusing our mate of failing to do this or that, we instead explain an instance where we experienced an unmet need. By taking this approach, we avoid assuming they acted under certain motives, which is usually the primary source of miscommunication and hurt in a relationship.

P - Prayer
Finally, we come together to either pray about what has just been discussed or to share prayer requests we have regarding our role as husband/wife. I think this is essential because it ensures we ground ourselves in humility before God and present our marriage to Him first and foremost for healing and growth.

This date night model has several key benefits I think really mesh well with Amgad's & my personalities. For one, we are extreme creatures of habit, so following a regular routine (however cheesy) is the key to our success. Also, it's short and manageable, which is so important for our new lifestyle with Joey around. It doesn't involve a comprehensive evaluation of every aspect of our relationship every week. Instead, we get to focus on one manageable nugget that we can work on and easily track the results. Since Amgad and I both tend to be "all-or-nothing" people, we need to be able to pursue something and know we can get it done. A laundry list of improvements would simply be too discouraging.

Hey, and maybe with the pathetic acronym of "POP," we could make this our excuse to go out for a soda every week and connect as husband and wife by going through these three simple steps. I assure you I tried as hard as I could to come up with more tempting acronyms...like PIE, PIZZA, BAGELS, or CHILI'S. No such luck.

The Adventure of Being a Mom

I just knew that becoming a mom was going to be an adventure. I saw it on the face of my own mom as she squealed with delight when I first confessed we were expecting. I noticed it in the horror stories nearly every cashier at Walmart insisted on sharing. And I could see it in the eyes of my girlfriends who, after recently becoming moms themselves, beamed with pride the moment I asked about their newborn babies.

It wasn’t until I became a mom myself, though, that I discovered the reality that motherhood truly is a fantastic adventure, complete with every element we’ve come to expect from a good old-fashioned story. For one, there is incredible suspense; each new day brings unchartered territory both for my four-month-old son, Joey, and for me. As his big eyes first began to open and explore his world, I began to see complex beauty in simple things. When he gave me his first big smile, I gave up on the notion that saying ‘no’ to him is going to be easy. And when he first reached up and grabbed for my face with his chubby little fingers, I finally reached a new understanding of what unconditional love really is.

As with any adventure, the suspense of new discovery isn’t without unforeseen risks and dangers. Mothers of baby boys come to understand, for example, the risk that accompanies diaper changes: No outfit, hairstyle, wall or carpet is safe. And experience has shown that even the seemingly harmless can prove to be a daily hazard after we wound up in the ER when a strand of my long blonde hair had gotten tightly wound around Joey’s middle toe!

Of course no great adventure is complete without loyal companionship and a thrilling romance along the way, and my journey as a mother is no exception. I could never have anticipated the overflow of calls, meals, messages, visits, hugs, gifts, and support I received from friends as I first adjusted to life as a mom, and those relationships have only gotten richer with time.

And the romance? Although it wasn’t too hot and heavy in the bedroom for the first few weeks following Joey’s birth, my husband and I approached a new level of intimacy the moment we laid eyes on the new baby boy that we created together. But that’s not the only love story. I also fall more in love everyday with my little Joey as I watch him grow and change, explore and discover. And the greatest Romance of all—the one between me and Jesus—has transformed completely now that I’ve caught a glimpse of the intense love He has for me as His beloved daughter.

Probably the best part of any adventure—and certainly the best part of my journey as a mother—is the treasure I’m seeking that will one day be found and will draw the story to its “happily ever after” ending. Such a treasure isn’t defined by the career Joey pursues, the woman he decides to marry, or the amount of wealth he accrues in his lifetime. Instead, it is found in the choices he makes every day to surrender his will to God’s and to love others as he himself has been loved by Christ.

Even if I never make it to see my Joey discover such an astonishing treasure during our adventure together—and even when the journey gets unbearably tough along the way—I am convinced it is exactly the adventure God has prepared for me. And I wouldn’t miss it for anything.

For Such a Time as This

"For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" ~ Esther 4:14

This passage from Esther is the perfect way to begin my new blog. Not only does it remind me of the attitude I strive for in my walk with Christ everyday, but it also helps to define the purpose for my creating this blog in the first place. Allow me to explain.

For several months now, I've been sensing the need I have to get things down on paper. Aside from the fact that I love writing and the English language, I also long to journal on a regular basis because I feel I get clearer glimpses of God when I take the time to reflect over an event or a thought through writing, however seemingly mundane they might be. Just like Esther, I trust that God has placed me in my current situation in life as a wife, mom, sister, daughter, and friend "for such a time as this" -- to achieve great things that will advance His kingdom through the divine appointments He has prepared in advance for me to meet.

Esther was a normal girl in her normal surroundings who was used by God in an extraordinary way because her heart was willing and her agenda was surrendered. My prayer is that this blog will serve as a place for me to share my journey toward doing and being the same. By writing down my thoughts on paper, I am forced to reflect on where God makes appearances in my everyday life and to process how my daily interactions and decisions are being used by God to make His name great.

With that, I begin the journey toward exploring why God has put me where I am now...for such a time as this.