After a long conversation with Amgad last night about some of the conflicts we often encounter in our marriage, I spent some time today thinking about what could be done to help improve our communication about some of the recurring frustrations we always seem to have toward one another.
One solution I keep coming back to is making our "Date Night" more consistent -- but that's easier said than done. Especially with Joey in our lives now, it's a) too easy to let exhaustion and lack of creativity get the best of us most evenings and choose to stay home instead, and b) tough to get motivated to actually talk about our relationship on a regular basis. Amgad probably struggles with that one a little bit more than I do since he's a guy (and everyone assumes guys hate talking -- especially about their feelings), but I can also relate to how tough it is sometimes to let go of other things in the forefront of my mind and attempt to go deeper in conversation about us.
So, how can we strike a balance? After analyzing the pros and cons of a traditional date night, I arrived at the following simple formula for a recurring date night that will (hopefully) make them easier and more enjoyable. And maybe even a little beneficial, too.
The P.O.P. Weekly Date Night
P - Praises
First, we begin by praising our spouse about at least one thing he/she did during the past week that benefited the marriage relationship. It doesn't have to be deep; it just needs to be pertinent to the growth of the marriage. I think this is incredibly important to do because it ensures we take the time to intentionally build up our spouse, and it forces us to notice the good things our spouse does throughout the week. Plus, by beginning the date with praises, it helps to prime a proper mindset for the second step...
O - Opportunities
Second, we take uninterrupted turns sharing one (and only one) way our need(s) as husband or wife weren't met as well as they could've been, and how we prefer it could've been handled differently. The key to this step is taking an "I-centered" approach rather than a "you-focused" attack. Instead of accusing our mate of failing to do this or that, we instead explain an instance where we experienced an unmet need. By taking this approach, we avoid assuming they acted under certain motives, which is usually the primary source of miscommunication and hurt in a relationship.
P - Prayer
Finally, we come together to either pray about what has just been discussed or to share prayer requests we have regarding our role as husband/wife. I think this is essential because it ensures we ground ourselves in humility before God and present our marriage to Him first and foremost for healing and growth.
This date night model has several key benefits I think really mesh well with Amgad's & my personalities. For one, we are extreme creatures of habit, so following a regular routine (however cheesy) is the key to our success. Also, it's short and manageable, which is so important for our new lifestyle with Joey around. It doesn't involve a comprehensive evaluation of every aspect of our relationship every week. Instead, we get to focus on one manageable nugget that we can work on and easily track the results. Since Amgad and I both tend to be "all-or-nothing" people, we need to be able to pursue something and know we can get it done. A laundry list of improvements would simply be too discouraging.
Hey, and maybe with the pathetic acronym of "POP," we could make this our excuse to go out for a soda every week and connect as husband and wife by going through these three simple steps. I assure you I tried as hard as I could to come up with more tempting acronyms...like PIE, PIZZA, BAGELS, or CHILI'S. No such luck.
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