Another red light. Seriously, how many in a row can I possibly get? And why does it always seem like they're all red when I'm running especially late?
I know we have all entertained these thoughts while waiting in long lines of traffic, trying desperately just to get where we're going. I'm late. I can't afford this delay. I'm so unlucky. I can't believe this is happening again. Before you know it, you're completely consumed -- by your plans and the red stoplight that is foiling them...again.
Just a couple of weeks ago, I was headed to a meeting and found myself in this familiar scenario. For just a moment, I glanced to the lane next to me and made eye contact with the driver, also waiting for the light to turn green. Where is he heading? I asked myself. Is his meeting more urgent than mine? Is he also thinking only about himself, just like I am?
Next, I found myself wondering what the drivers on the cross street were thinking as they zipped across my path. Are they breathing a sigh of relief that their light is green? I wondered. Do they even notice that we're waiting for them? What if we had decided not to stop for them?
In that moment at that intersection as I struggled to wrap my mind around others' perspectives besides my own, I stumbled on an important truth: My stoplight can't always be green.
My lofty expectation that everything consistently go my way might be justifiable if the world existed only for me. It might even make sense if it existed only for my family, my close friends, or my community...but it doesn't. The world I encounter every day is made up of thousands of people with innumerable needs and desires of their own -- some of which by their very nature are at odds with my own. If my stoplight is green, it is always red for someone else, and vice versa.
As a follower of Jesus, I am learning that this give-and-take is more than just a reality I need to live with. It is an incredible opportunity I can embrace to be a servant. The prerequisite for contentment is not that everything always go my way. Rather, it is taking every chance I find to surrender my privileges as a way of blessing someone else, regardless of the inconvenience.
Before my thoughts carried me any further, the cross traffic slowed to a stop, and several seconds later our light switched to green. Relieved, I pulled forward into the intersection, thankful to finally be moving closer to my destination -- and a little closer to understanding God's economy of give-and-take.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
Shepherding A Child's Heart: A Book Report
I just finished reading the book Shepherding A Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp (1995) and would like to make a few notes of the things I thought were especially striking or thought-provoking. Overall, I felt the book did a great job of addressing the real reason and motivation for disciplining our children -- to draw them nearer to a relationship with Christ and convince them why He is the only One worth seeking after. Some of my more detailed observations include:
- A biblical vision for the parenting task is this: Being authorities who are kind, shepherding your children to understand themselves in God's world, and keeping the gospel in clear view so your children can internalize the good news and someday live in mutuality with you as people under God (p. xvii). Tripp explains that this is the only adequate way to approach parenting in the midst of so many other philosophies that have failed.
- The exercise of authority over our children must be done as God's agent on His behalf. We may not direct our children for our own agenda or convenience. We must direct our children on God's behalf for their good (pg. xviii). I appreciate this fresh perspective so much because it reminds me that my children are not my own, nor is it for my own benefit to have obedient children. I cannot allow my own motivations for wanting well-behaved children to supersede my responsibility to raise my children to know God.
- Parents who give their children a keepable standard are actually robbing them of the mercy of the gospel. Tripp points out that the law of God is not easy for natural man, and that its standards cannot be achieved apart from God's supernatural grace. When we fail to hold our children to God's standard and instead somehow reduce our expectations to limits within our children's own capacity to achieve, we actually prevent them from being confronted by their own desperate need for a Savior.
- Luke 6:45 serves as a foundation for the principle of shepherding a child's heart. It states: "The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks." When, for instance, a child grabs a toy from another without asking for it first and we respond by addressing only the fault of the behavior itself, we miss out on the important opportunity of discussing the selfish heart condition of the child who is only absorbed with what he or she wants. As Luke says, it is the heart that matters most; the behavior is only a byproduct and not the real problem.
- Our children are responsible for the way they respond to our parenting. This is not to dismiss the crucial task we as parents have, but it is to put in perspective where our role as a parent begins and ends. On page 16, Tripp discusses the analogy of a potter who is shaping a piece of wet clay into a pot. The potter has only so much control; although he is the one shaping, the clay itself has properties which either resist or aid in the shaping process. Tripp uses this analogy to demonstrate that the degree to which life circumstances and events affect a child is determined by their Godward orientation. As parents, we must focus first on leading our children toward a Godward orientation rather than managing the circumstances and events they experience. The decisions they make in those events and circumstances, then, are theirs alone -- but they are much better equipped to make godly decisions because we have worked to influence their Godward orientation.
- If you are going to shepherd your children, you must understand what makes your children tick (p. 33). If you are going to direct them in the ways of the Lord, as Genesis 18 calls you to, you must know them and their inclinations. This task requires more than simply providing adequate food, clothing and shelter. In short, it requires a full-time commitment to the task with no shortcuts or compromises.
- Anger has no place in discipline. Any change in behavior that is produced by anger is not going to move your children toward God. It moves them away from God. It moves them in the direction of the idolatry of fearing man rather than God (p. 36).
- Shepherding is done through two means: communication and the rod. Communication in particular is done through more than just rules, correction, and discpline, but also encouragement, correction, rebuke, entreaty, instruction, warning, teaching, and prayer (p. 84).
- Communication is a lifestyle, not an act. Parents are often too busy to talk unless something is wrong. A regular habit of talking together prepares the way for talking in strained situations. You will never have the hearts of your children if you talk with them only when something has gone wrong. Honest, thorough, truly biblical communication is expensive; insightful and penetrating conversations take time (p. 94).
- What happens to the child who is trained to do all the appropriate things? When being well-mannered is severed from biblical roots in servanthood, manners become a classy tool of manipulation. Our children learn how to work others in a subtle but profoundly self-serving way. Some children become crass manipulators of others and disdainful of people with less polish. Others, seeing through the sham and hypocrisy, become brash and crass rejecters of the conventions of culture (p. 46).
- Obedience Defined: Without Challenge, Without Excuse, Without Delay. When any of these three elements is missing, disobedience has occurred and discipline is required.
- The process of appeal -- when your child asks that you reconsider your request. What I find interesting is that Tripp explains that "it should be our habit to say yes to a request unless there are good reasons to say no. It is easy to make authoritarian choices simply out of convenience" (p. 142).
- The "when" of spanking. Tripp argues that the "when" of spanking is so simple that parents often miss it: When your child has not obeyed, he needs to be spanked. I hesitate to accept this position because I am unsure about where natural consequences come into the mix. When should I let the natural consequences of a poor decision take their course and when should I inflict a spanking in addition?
- When is my child old enough to be disciplined? When your child is old enough to resist your directives, he is old enough to be disciplined (p. 154).
- What if I know my child is lying to me? I found Tripp's response to this very counter intuitive to how Amgad or I would likely approach such a situation. He recommends that you as a parent should never accuse your child of lying. The risk of disheartening them and damaging the open lines of communication because you have expressed a lack of trust in their credibility is far too great to risk.
- Shepherding can be broken down into three distinct stages. The first, from infancy through about four years old, is obedience -- getting your child to obey and using communication and the rod as tools for achieving it. The second, from ages 5-12, is character -- guiding your child away from behavior that isn't necessarily defiant, but still wrong. The third, from 13-18, is three-pronged: fear of the Lord, adherence to parental instruction, and disassociation from the wicked (from Proverbs 1:7-19).
- Periodic Reviews. Once or twice a year, Tripp suggests sitting down with each of your chidlren and evaluating their progress as a developing person through the lens of three distinct relationships: Your child and God, your child and himself, and your child and others. By evaluating both areas of excellence and areas of improvement, you can develop a strategy for dealing with the areas of concern and prepare yourself with many fruitful areas to help your children (p. 171).
- The Authority versus Influence spectrum. This graph shows that, as a child grows from infancy through adulthood, a parent's authority should ideally lessen at the same rate at which his influence grows.
- Is academic excellence in the life of your child a worthy goal to work toward? Tripp believes that it is not in comparison to the importance of the goal of drawing your children near to the gospel everyday. He states: "There should be no pressure for good grades at all. Grades are unimportant. What is important is that your child learn to do his work diligently for God." A little later he says, "Knowing that gifts and abilities are a stewardship from the Lord, your child's objective should be faithfulness." I tend to agree, knowing from personal experience that the pursuit for academic excellence as an end in itself is usually a back-door way of receiving recognition for others and puffing up your own pride.
Monday, June 8, 2009
The Gift of Discipline
I have spent some time lately thinking about the purpose and importance of disciplining children now that Joey is getting a little older and has begun to develop an awareness of his actions and their results. It might seem kind of early to be thinking about such things, especially considering that he is just shy of six months old. Then again, what is the magical age at which a child suddenly grasps the concept of right and wrong and can appropriately be disciplined for his wrong choices? How do I determine when, how, and why I should begin to discipline my son?
After doing a bit of reading from Scripture, I was surprised to find how much God has to say about the concept of discipline. Here are just a few observations I made:
After doing a bit of reading from Scripture, I was surprised to find how much God has to say about the concept of discipline. Here are just a few observations I made:
- Children are, by their very nature, foolish. Proverbs 22:15a says: "Folly is bound up in the heart of a child." The dictionary defines foolish as "devoid of good sense or judgment." This perfectly describes the innocent heart of a child who has no life experience to naturally produce such judgment.
- Children also naturally tend toward sin. As we well know, thanks to Adam, all humanity is born with a sin nature. This is important to mention in a discussion of discipline because a child whose nature is both sinful and foolish (or lacking judgment) is literally a lethal combination when left unguided by his parents.
- Children (and adults) gain wisdom through one of two ways: Instruction or Experience. We can either heed the warning someone gives us about a particular situation or we can experience the negative consequences of that situation ourselves. When we choose to discipline our child in a certain area, we are giving them wisdom they couldn't otherwise gain without experiencing the negative consequences themselves -- and that could be downright dangerous. Proverbs 5:22-23 makes this point very clear: "The evil deeds of a wicked man ensnare him; the cords of his sin hold him fast. He will die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly." Left to his own foolishness, I guarantee you Joey would already be dead.
- Disciple and discipline are from the same Latin root word, Discipulus, which means to learn. When I discipline Joey, I am essentially teaching him how to choose the appropriate behavior in a given circumstance for his own protection and well-being. Discipline isn't a bad word; on the contrary, it's essential to the proper development of our children!
- When we discipline our children, we are giving them an incredible gift. When we work to impart the virtues of self-control and right judgment into the heart of our children, we are freeing them to be truly effective and creative individuals now and later in life. Scripture wisely points out: "He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls." (Proverbs 25:28) Think about it: a city is a powerful thing when it is governed well and surrounded by protective walls that keep out foreign threats. However, when no such governance exists, the city is left vulnerable because those boundaries aren't maintained. Similarly, when a child has been appropriately and consistently trained to understand the importance of behavioral boundaries, he has been given a great freedom to explore and enjoy life without having to continually experience the negative consequences of wrong choices he never knew were risky in the first place.
- God's discipline over us is a perfect parallel. Go back and re-read everything I've written, this time replacing any reference to "parent" with "God," and any reference to "child" with your own name. You will be overcome by the reality of God's goodness as He disciplines us in order to perfect us for His sake.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Lessons Learned Through Motherhood
Since becoming a mom, I have found that the lessons God has for me to learn are so available as I work toward developing myself in this role. I'm not sure if these lessons could've been just as easily spotted if I were still only a wife working outside of the home or if it's something exclusive to the experience of actually caring for a little human that Amgad and I created. Either way, I want to take some time to share those lessons and how God has been growing me through them.
Lesson 1: This, too, shall pass.
More than anything else during my time as a mom these past five months, I have been forced to learn and repeatedly lean on the reality that the present challenge I'm facing is temporary, no matter how perpetual it may feel in the moment. This applies to something as trivial as having to wake up three mornings in a row at 4:30 am because Joey won't stop crying for an unidentified reason. Or it could be something as seemingly significant as getting in an argument three evenings in a row with Amgad because our relationship is strained in its new post-baby state.
In either case, the truth is that time is always passing, no matter how difficult the challenge may be at the moment I'm facing it. Although the end seems nowhere in sight, there is an end and it is coming. And in the meantime, God often reveals to me that my contentment has no bearing on what the specific situation I'm experiencing but rather on the attitude I'm seeking to have through it.
Lesson 2: Exceptions are never the rule.
I have also learned that the occasional hiccups in my plans or unexpected surprises in my day are just that: occasional. In the beginning, I would get completely thrown off when something unexpected happened. If, for instance, Joey would wake up a whole hour early from his nap, I would stop dead in my tracks and panic about what in the world I was going to do now that his schedule was entirely ruined for the day. Or even worse, I'd dread the thought that he might be teething, sick, or going through a growth spurt that would cause him to want to eat nonstop and sabotage all my day's (or week's) plans.
As I've come to learn through many of these hiccups, though, they rarely ever actually result in anything dramatic or plan-altering. In the moments of panic where I reeled through all of the "what ifs" that could potentially happen, I always came up with some decision I thought was best and just went with it. In the end, that's all I could ever do anyway; the rest was up to Joey. I've gotten used to rolling with the punches as they come, and acknowledging that punches do actually come was half the battle in handling them with grace. When they're as occasional as they are, they almost become a welcomed surprise to my everyday routine.
Lesson 3: Rules are never the exception.
I have discovered through my experience so far that Joey is not too young for rules and regularity. Consequently, it is imperative that the rules and routines I choose to set for him are well thought-out and consistently executed in order for them to be effective. Even though he's too young yet for traditional discipline, I have noticed already how much he benefits from and becomes easily accustomed to routine things like naps, scheduled feedings, and mealtime in his high chair.
At times it might be easier in the moment to assume he's too young to begin implementing a new habit that, although it will benefit both of us in the long run, is proving to be a real headache in the beginning stages. But just like any habit we work to form as adults, it takes more than just one try; it also requires continued resolve, repetition, and conviction -- many times from me more than Joey!
Lesson 4: Plans change. A lot.
I can probably provide a daily anecdote to prove this lesson, for better or for worse. Like the time I thought Joey would sleep through my dentist appointment in his carseat, only to have him wail through it instead. Or the time I planned to go to the bank and ended up heading straight home instead because Joey had pooped everywhere (including on me).
These sudden changes in my agenda have stretched me far beyond my comfort zone and have taught me a lot about the need to live life with palms open. As Joey wailed in his carseat at the dentist's office, I was able to see God calm my worry in an unexpected way when two or three dental hygienists kindly asked if they could hold him and play with him during my checkup. And as I climbed into the tub with Joey to give him (and me) a much-needed bath after his diaper explosion, I found that the time I spent playing with him in the water was much more meaningful than yet one more errand I could always do tomorrow instead.
Through so many little experiences just like these, God has taught me that the value of my time is not so much found in what I do but rather in how I do it and what my focus is.
Lesson 5: The grass is pretty green on your side, too.
Before I was a mom, I had a pretty severe case of discontentment in my life. For as long as I can remember, I have been in bondage to the longing for what's coming next, whether it was high school, college, marriage, a career, or a baby. Unfortunately, this condition never allowed me to adequately treasure the moments I was living in the here and now. Looking back, I can now see a lot of experiences I went through that weren't fully experienced because of my focus only on the future.
Since Joey arrived, however, this has changed. I hesitate to give credit only to the circumstance, though, as this would only validate my belief that "moving onto the next thing" would somehow finally satisfy me. No, becoming a mom has not alone produced the contented feeling I now experience on a daily basis, but it does help to bring the journey of my life into perspective.
Instead of always feeling like time is passing too slowly, I find that time is passing in perfect rhythm as I witness Joey grow and learn and change. Now that I have a life I'm responsible for besides just my own, I have begun to take my eyes off of my own pursuits and dreams and wishes and instead involve myself in those of my family. God has given me peace about my purpose for this season of my life and I finally feel completely free to immerse myself in His calling for my life -- right here and right now. Why would I go in search for something I don't yet have when God has perfectly purposed everything I have in my care for today?
Lesson 1: This, too, shall pass.
More than anything else during my time as a mom these past five months, I have been forced to learn and repeatedly lean on the reality that the present challenge I'm facing is temporary, no matter how perpetual it may feel in the moment. This applies to something as trivial as having to wake up three mornings in a row at 4:30 am because Joey won't stop crying for an unidentified reason. Or it could be something as seemingly significant as getting in an argument three evenings in a row with Amgad because our relationship is strained in its new post-baby state.
In either case, the truth is that time is always passing, no matter how difficult the challenge may be at the moment I'm facing it. Although the end seems nowhere in sight, there is an end and it is coming. And in the meantime, God often reveals to me that my contentment has no bearing on what the specific situation I'm experiencing but rather on the attitude I'm seeking to have through it.
Lesson 2: Exceptions are never the rule.
I have also learned that the occasional hiccups in my plans or unexpected surprises in my day are just that: occasional. In the beginning, I would get completely thrown off when something unexpected happened. If, for instance, Joey would wake up a whole hour early from his nap, I would stop dead in my tracks and panic about what in the world I was going to do now that his schedule was entirely ruined for the day. Or even worse, I'd dread the thought that he might be teething, sick, or going through a growth spurt that would cause him to want to eat nonstop and sabotage all my day's (or week's) plans.
As I've come to learn through many of these hiccups, though, they rarely ever actually result in anything dramatic or plan-altering. In the moments of panic where I reeled through all of the "what ifs" that could potentially happen, I always came up with some decision I thought was best and just went with it. In the end, that's all I could ever do anyway; the rest was up to Joey. I've gotten used to rolling with the punches as they come, and acknowledging that punches do actually come was half the battle in handling them with grace. When they're as occasional as they are, they almost become a welcomed surprise to my everyday routine.
Lesson 3: Rules are never the exception.
I have discovered through my experience so far that Joey is not too young for rules and regularity. Consequently, it is imperative that the rules and routines I choose to set for him are well thought-out and consistently executed in order for them to be effective. Even though he's too young yet for traditional discipline, I have noticed already how much he benefits from and becomes easily accustomed to routine things like naps, scheduled feedings, and mealtime in his high chair.
At times it might be easier in the moment to assume he's too young to begin implementing a new habit that, although it will benefit both of us in the long run, is proving to be a real headache in the beginning stages. But just like any habit we work to form as adults, it takes more than just one try; it also requires continued resolve, repetition, and conviction -- many times from me more than Joey!
Lesson 4: Plans change. A lot.
I can probably provide a daily anecdote to prove this lesson, for better or for worse. Like the time I thought Joey would sleep through my dentist appointment in his carseat, only to have him wail through it instead. Or the time I planned to go to the bank and ended up heading straight home instead because Joey had pooped everywhere (including on me).
These sudden changes in my agenda have stretched me far beyond my comfort zone and have taught me a lot about the need to live life with palms open. As Joey wailed in his carseat at the dentist's office, I was able to see God calm my worry in an unexpected way when two or three dental hygienists kindly asked if they could hold him and play with him during my checkup. And as I climbed into the tub with Joey to give him (and me) a much-needed bath after his diaper explosion, I found that the time I spent playing with him in the water was much more meaningful than yet one more errand I could always do tomorrow instead.
Through so many little experiences just like these, God has taught me that the value of my time is not so much found in what I do but rather in how I do it and what my focus is.
Lesson 5: The grass is pretty green on your side, too.
Before I was a mom, I had a pretty severe case of discontentment in my life. For as long as I can remember, I have been in bondage to the longing for what's coming next, whether it was high school, college, marriage, a career, or a baby. Unfortunately, this condition never allowed me to adequately treasure the moments I was living in the here and now. Looking back, I can now see a lot of experiences I went through that weren't fully experienced because of my focus only on the future.
Since Joey arrived, however, this has changed. I hesitate to give credit only to the circumstance, though, as this would only validate my belief that "moving onto the next thing" would somehow finally satisfy me. No, becoming a mom has not alone produced the contented feeling I now experience on a daily basis, but it does help to bring the journey of my life into perspective.
Instead of always feeling like time is passing too slowly, I find that time is passing in perfect rhythm as I witness Joey grow and learn and change. Now that I have a life I'm responsible for besides just my own, I have begun to take my eyes off of my own pursuits and dreams and wishes and instead involve myself in those of my family. God has given me peace about my purpose for this season of my life and I finally feel completely free to immerse myself in His calling for my life -- right here and right now. Why would I go in search for something I don't yet have when God has perfectly purposed everything I have in my care for today?
Thursday, April 23, 2009
A New Idea for Date Nights
After a long conversation with Amgad last night about some of the conflicts we often encounter in our marriage, I spent some time today thinking about what could be done to help improve our communication about some of the recurring frustrations we always seem to have toward one another.
One solution I keep coming back to is making our "Date Night" more consistent -- but that's easier said than done. Especially with Joey in our lives now, it's a) too easy to let exhaustion and lack of creativity get the best of us most evenings and choose to stay home instead, and b) tough to get motivated to actually talk about our relationship on a regular basis. Amgad probably struggles with that one a little bit more than I do since he's a guy (and everyone assumes guys hate talking -- especially about their feelings), but I can also relate to how tough it is sometimes to let go of other things in the forefront of my mind and attempt to go deeper in conversation about us.
So, how can we strike a balance? After analyzing the pros and cons of a traditional date night, I arrived at the following simple formula for a recurring date night that will (hopefully) make them easier and more enjoyable. And maybe even a little beneficial, too.
The P.O.P. Weekly Date Night
P - Praises
First, we begin by praising our spouse about at least one thing he/she did during the past week that benefited the marriage relationship. It doesn't have to be deep; it just needs to be pertinent to the growth of the marriage. I think this is incredibly important to do because it ensures we take the time to intentionally build up our spouse, and it forces us to notice the good things our spouse does throughout the week. Plus, by beginning the date with praises, it helps to prime a proper mindset for the second step...
O - Opportunities
Second, we take uninterrupted turns sharing one (and only one) way our need(s) as husband or wife weren't met as well as they could've been, and how we prefer it could've been handled differently. The key to this step is taking an "I-centered" approach rather than a "you-focused" attack. Instead of accusing our mate of failing to do this or that, we instead explain an instance where we experienced an unmet need. By taking this approach, we avoid assuming they acted under certain motives, which is usually the primary source of miscommunication and hurt in a relationship.
P - Prayer
Finally, we come together to either pray about what has just been discussed or to share prayer requests we have regarding our role as husband/wife. I think this is essential because it ensures we ground ourselves in humility before God and present our marriage to Him first and foremost for healing and growth.
This date night model has several key benefits I think really mesh well with Amgad's & my personalities. For one, we are extreme creatures of habit, so following a regular routine (however cheesy) is the key to our success. Also, it's short and manageable, which is so important for our new lifestyle with Joey around. It doesn't involve a comprehensive evaluation of every aspect of our relationship every week. Instead, we get to focus on one manageable nugget that we can work on and easily track the results. Since Amgad and I both tend to be "all-or-nothing" people, we need to be able to pursue something and know we can get it done. A laundry list of improvements would simply be too discouraging.
Hey, and maybe with the pathetic acronym of "POP," we could make this our excuse to go out for a soda every week and connect as husband and wife by going through these three simple steps. I assure you I tried as hard as I could to come up with more tempting acronyms...like PIE, PIZZA, BAGELS, or CHILI'S. No such luck.
One solution I keep coming back to is making our "Date Night" more consistent -- but that's easier said than done. Especially with Joey in our lives now, it's a) too easy to let exhaustion and lack of creativity get the best of us most evenings and choose to stay home instead, and b) tough to get motivated to actually talk about our relationship on a regular basis. Amgad probably struggles with that one a little bit more than I do since he's a guy (and everyone assumes guys hate talking -- especially about their feelings), but I can also relate to how tough it is sometimes to let go of other things in the forefront of my mind and attempt to go deeper in conversation about us.
So, how can we strike a balance? After analyzing the pros and cons of a traditional date night, I arrived at the following simple formula for a recurring date night that will (hopefully) make them easier and more enjoyable. And maybe even a little beneficial, too.
The P.O.P. Weekly Date Night
P - Praises
First, we begin by praising our spouse about at least one thing he/she did during the past week that benefited the marriage relationship. It doesn't have to be deep; it just needs to be pertinent to the growth of the marriage. I think this is incredibly important to do because it ensures we take the time to intentionally build up our spouse, and it forces us to notice the good things our spouse does throughout the week. Plus, by beginning the date with praises, it helps to prime a proper mindset for the second step...
O - Opportunities
Second, we take uninterrupted turns sharing one (and only one) way our need(s) as husband or wife weren't met as well as they could've been, and how we prefer it could've been handled differently. The key to this step is taking an "I-centered" approach rather than a "you-focused" attack. Instead of accusing our mate of failing to do this or that, we instead explain an instance where we experienced an unmet need. By taking this approach, we avoid assuming they acted under certain motives, which is usually the primary source of miscommunication and hurt in a relationship.
P - Prayer
Finally, we come together to either pray about what has just been discussed or to share prayer requests we have regarding our role as husband/wife. I think this is essential because it ensures we ground ourselves in humility before God and present our marriage to Him first and foremost for healing and growth.
This date night model has several key benefits I think really mesh well with Amgad's & my personalities. For one, we are extreme creatures of habit, so following a regular routine (however cheesy) is the key to our success. Also, it's short and manageable, which is so important for our new lifestyle with Joey around. It doesn't involve a comprehensive evaluation of every aspect of our relationship every week. Instead, we get to focus on one manageable nugget that we can work on and easily track the results. Since Amgad and I both tend to be "all-or-nothing" people, we need to be able to pursue something and know we can get it done. A laundry list of improvements would simply be too discouraging.
Hey, and maybe with the pathetic acronym of "POP," we could make this our excuse to go out for a soda every week and connect as husband and wife by going through these three simple steps. I assure you I tried as hard as I could to come up with more tempting acronyms...like PIE, PIZZA, BAGELS, or CHILI'S. No such luck.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
The Adventure of Being a Mom
I just knew that becoming a mom was going to be an adventure. I saw it on the face of my own mom as she squealed with delight when I first confessed we were expecting. I noticed it in the horror stories nearly every cashier at Walmart insisted on sharing. And I could see it in the eyes of my girlfriends who, after recently becoming moms themselves, beamed with pride the moment I asked about their newborn babies.
It wasn’t until I became a mom myself, though, that I discovered the reality that motherhood truly is a fantastic adventure, complete with every element we’ve come to expect from a good old-fashioned story. For one, there is incredible suspense; each new day brings unchartered territory both for my four-month-old son, Joey, and for me. As his big eyes first began to open and explore his world, I began to see complex beauty in simple things. When he gave me his first big smile, I gave up on the notion that saying ‘no’ to him is going to be easy. And when he first reached up and grabbed for my face with his chubby little fingers, I finally reached a new understanding of what unconditional love really is.
As with any adventure, the suspense of new discovery isn’t without unforeseen risks and dangers. Mothers of baby boys come to understand, for example, the risk that accompanies diaper changes: No outfit, hairstyle, wall or carpet is safe. And experience has shown that even the seemingly harmless can prove to be a daily hazard after we wound up in the ER when a strand of my long blonde hair had gotten tightly wound around Joey’s middle toe!
Of course no great adventure is complete without loyal companionship and a thrilling romance along the way, and my journey as a mother is no exception. I could never have anticipated the overflow of calls, meals, messages, visits, hugs, gifts, and support I received from friends as I first adjusted to life as a mom, and those relationships have only gotten richer with time.
And the romance? Although it wasn’t too hot and heavy in the bedroom for the first few weeks following Joey’s birth, my husband and I approached a new level of intimacy the moment we laid eyes on the new baby boy that we created together. But that’s not the only love story. I also fall more in love everyday with my little Joey as I watch him grow and change, explore and discover. And the greatest Romance of all—the one between me and Jesus—has transformed completely now that I’ve caught a glimpse of the intense love He has for me as His beloved daughter.
Probably the best part of any adventure—and certainly the best part of my journey as a mother—is the treasure I’m seeking that will one day be found and will draw the story to its “happily ever after” ending. Such a treasure isn’t defined by the career Joey pursues, the woman he decides to marry, or the amount of wealth he accrues in his lifetime. Instead, it is found in the choices he makes every day to surrender his will to God’s and to love others as he himself has been loved by Christ.
Even if I never make it to see my Joey discover such an astonishing treasure during our adventure together—and even when the journey gets unbearably tough along the way—I am convinced it is exactly the adventure God has prepared for me. And I wouldn’t miss it for anything.
It wasn’t until I became a mom myself, though, that I discovered the reality that motherhood truly is a fantastic adventure, complete with every element we’ve come to expect from a good old-fashioned story. For one, there is incredible suspense; each new day brings unchartered territory both for my four-month-old son, Joey, and for me. As his big eyes first began to open and explore his world, I began to see complex beauty in simple things. When he gave me his first big smile, I gave up on the notion that saying ‘no’ to him is going to be easy. And when he first reached up and grabbed for my face with his chubby little fingers, I finally reached a new understanding of what unconditional love really is.
As with any adventure, the suspense of new discovery isn’t without unforeseen risks and dangers. Mothers of baby boys come to understand, for example, the risk that accompanies diaper changes: No outfit, hairstyle, wall or carpet is safe. And experience has shown that even the seemingly harmless can prove to be a daily hazard after we wound up in the ER when a strand of my long blonde hair had gotten tightly wound around Joey’s middle toe!
Of course no great adventure is complete without loyal companionship and a thrilling romance along the way, and my journey as a mother is no exception. I could never have anticipated the overflow of calls, meals, messages, visits, hugs, gifts, and support I received from friends as I first adjusted to life as a mom, and those relationships have only gotten richer with time.
And the romance? Although it wasn’t too hot and heavy in the bedroom for the first few weeks following Joey’s birth, my husband and I approached a new level of intimacy the moment we laid eyes on the new baby boy that we created together. But that’s not the only love story. I also fall more in love everyday with my little Joey as I watch him grow and change, explore and discover. And the greatest Romance of all—the one between me and Jesus—has transformed completely now that I’ve caught a glimpse of the intense love He has for me as His beloved daughter.
Probably the best part of any adventure—and certainly the best part of my journey as a mother—is the treasure I’m seeking that will one day be found and will draw the story to its “happily ever after” ending. Such a treasure isn’t defined by the career Joey pursues, the woman he decides to marry, or the amount of wealth he accrues in his lifetime. Instead, it is found in the choices he makes every day to surrender his will to God’s and to love others as he himself has been loved by Christ.
Even if I never make it to see my Joey discover such an astonishing treasure during our adventure together—and even when the journey gets unbearably tough along the way—I am convinced it is exactly the adventure God has prepared for me. And I wouldn’t miss it for anything.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
For Such a Time as This
"For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" ~ Esther 4:14
This passage from Esther is the perfect way to begin my new blog. Not only does it remind me of the attitude I strive for in my walk with Christ everyday, but it also helps to define the purpose for my creating this blog in the first place. Allow me to explain.
For several months now, I've been sensing the need I have to get things down on paper. Aside from the fact that I love writing and the English language, I also long to journal on a regular basis because I feel I get clearer glimpses of God when I take the time to reflect over an event or a thought through writing, however seemingly mundane they might be. Just like Esther, I trust that God has placed me in my current situation in life as a wife, mom, sister, daughter, and friend "for such a time as this" -- to achieve great things that will advance His kingdom through the divine appointments He has prepared in advance for me to meet.
Esther was a normal girl in her normal surroundings who was used by God in an extraordinary way because her heart was willing and her agenda was surrendered. My prayer is that this blog will serve as a place for me to share my journey toward doing and being the same. By writing down my thoughts on paper, I am forced to reflect on where God makes appearances in my everyday life and to process how my daily interactions and decisions are being used by God to make His name great.
With that, I begin the journey toward exploring why God has put me where I am now...for such a time as this.
This passage from Esther is the perfect way to begin my new blog. Not only does it remind me of the attitude I strive for in my walk with Christ everyday, but it also helps to define the purpose for my creating this blog in the first place. Allow me to explain.
For several months now, I've been sensing the need I have to get things down on paper. Aside from the fact that I love writing and the English language, I also long to journal on a regular basis because I feel I get clearer glimpses of God when I take the time to reflect over an event or a thought through writing, however seemingly mundane they might be. Just like Esther, I trust that God has placed me in my current situation in life as a wife, mom, sister, daughter, and friend "for such a time as this" -- to achieve great things that will advance His kingdom through the divine appointments He has prepared in advance for me to meet.
Esther was a normal girl in her normal surroundings who was used by God in an extraordinary way because her heart was willing and her agenda was surrendered. My prayer is that this blog will serve as a place for me to share my journey toward doing and being the same. By writing down my thoughts on paper, I am forced to reflect on where God makes appearances in my everyday life and to process how my daily interactions and decisions are being used by God to make His name great.
With that, I begin the journey toward exploring why God has put me where I am now...for such a time as this.
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